Five years into parenting and my happily ever after family life was getting less and less...happy.  After years of lost sleep, managing the juggle of pregnancy, breastfeeding, returning to work, daycare runs, sick children, another pregnancy, all while living away from my family...it became a lot.  

I have always adored my children and family - but yet I would find myself routinely stomping through the house in the evening - picking up toys and socks (the socks!), prepping yet another lunch box and thinking “how is this my life? What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I make this make me happy?”

I was generally doing well.  I would even describe myself as happy.  I loved family life so very much.  

But the pressure of a life out of balance started to show up eventually.  

And the place where the cracks were most evident was my marriage. 

We were totally committed - but also felt increasingly distant.  

I felt unsupported, even undermined in my parenting.  

I’d spend months helping the kids to eat more vegetables and develop a positive relationship with nourishing food - and he’d give them chocolate if they’d finish their plates (minus the veggies).  

I’d limit screen time - encouraging independent play, teaching them to resolve conflicts independently and problem solve collaboratively.  He’d use the iPad to manage any meltdown.  

I read all the parenting books, read the research, listened to podcasts and went to courses and conferences.  I was all in.  And I expected my husband to follow my lead. 

But the more I coached, cajoled or instructed - the less open he was to my influence.

One day when I was scratching my head, wondering yet again what else I could do to help my kids manage their emotions and interactions I had a shocking realisation.  

My kids could only ever manage their emotions and relationships as well as my husband and I do.  

I had kept a pot of resentment simmering gently beneath every interaction.  I made sure it only boiled over occasionally but it added heat and tension to even the most routine interaction.  

My husband and I both totally love each other and have both been totally committed to family life. 

So why is this so hard? 

The challenge of parenting together was something I had not been prepared for. I looked around at other parents and I could see our struggles were common — but not universal. So a question sprang forward….